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welcome! to emotional feelings!
after looking things over here at emotional feelings,
try out "the layer down under," (part of the emotional feelings network of sites) & read a special "i
just gotta say it" column concerning porn addiction by clicking here! Be sure to scroll down towards the bottom of the right hand column to find it!
Another suggestion! Make sure to visit the homepage! It tells you more about the emotional feelings network of sites!
I was personally very touched by this inspiring story as I watched it on
television last night (2/27/07); especially after I experienced a life altering injury which took me 2 years to recover from.
What I want to ask you is...
If you can't help out with the helmets, below for our military men, can
you volunteer or help our returning soldiers who are recovering with extreme traumatic brain injury?
Here are some links!
Check them out, I know that my family will be searching for a way we can help!
Remember that those with traumatic or extreme physical injuries most often develop problems with their mental health!
What is Operation Helmet?
Founded in 2003 by Dr. Robert H. Meaders whose grandson is an active duty Marine in Iraq, Operation Helmet is a nonpartisan 501(c)(3) organization dedicated
to providing safer helmet pad upgrade kits to the troops in Iraq & Afghanistan.
To date, more than 6,000 kits have been shipped to the troops in the field.
  How this site works best for you!
You'll
notice that there are many underlined link words in each article below. The reason for this is that you have reached not only, "emotional
feelings, the home site," but the emotional feelings network of sites. There are
many sites included within the network that'll be visited by clicking on these underlined link words.
If you can't find what you came
here looking for, visit the homepage for the emotional feelings network of sites by clicking above & read the options on
the homepage for the networks index of sites. Try to be specific when looking for an emotion or feeling word & click on the site you need!
It's very simple & very
interesting to follow your way thru the layers of your buried or stuffed emotions & feelings that have accumulated throughout the years!
when you've reached this point, or this website, you know you're making
progress!!!! this part gets difficult because now is the time to look within & become emotionally honest with yourself!!!
Best of luck & if you're
still stuck, send me an e-mail anytime, by clicking
here & I'll be glad to send you an immediate personal response!
Sincerely,
Kathleen
 additional resources....
Attachment & Attachment Disorders
Bonding & Attachment in Maltreated Children: How Abuse & Neglect in Childhood Impact Social & Emotional Development
just an "f.y.i. heads up" for you!
visit children 101 - one of the sites within the emotional feelings network of sites! This site has a whole page concerning attachment! children 101 is especially for those with children or who would like to "look back in
time" during a recovery process to see when & where they could have problems in childhood that contributed to their adult problems....
Marshall Klaus, M.D., Pediatrician, author, pioneering
researcher on bonding Title: The First Hours & Days of Life: A Special Time
The fascinating question on
how parental attachment progresses during the early postpartum period can be answered only
by minutely examining what happens between parents & their newborn during this crucial time.
What pulls them together,
ensuring their proximity thru the many months during which infants are unable to satisfy their own needs?
When they're together in the
first hours of life, multiple interactions simultaneously occur between mother & child. Each is intimately involved with the other on a number of levels, which lock the pair together.
The mother & baby elicit behaviors in each
other that are naturally rewarding.
For example, the
infant's crying is likely to trigger the mother to pick him up. When she picks him up, he is likely to quiet, open his eyes
& follow her movements.
When the mother starts the
communication by touching the infant's cheek, he's likely to turn his head, bringing him into contact with her nipple, on
which he will suck.
His sucking in turn is pleasurable
to both of them. This is a necessarily oversimplified description of these interactions; the behaviors don't occur
in a chain-like sequence, but rather each event triggers several others. When we look closely, we see a fail-safe system that
ensures the proximity of mother & child.
The renewed interest in this
early period after birth has been stimulated by several provocative observations of both mother & infants.
Perhaps the most dramatic
example of these observations is the ability of newborns, if left quietly on the mother's abdomen after birth, to crawl
from abdomen gradually up to her breast, find the nipple & start to suckle.
Investigators
have also noted that if the lips of the infant touch the nipple in the first hour of life, a mother will decide to keep her
baby longer in her own room during her hospital stay than another mother who didn't have contact until later.
Other researchers
have shown that the normal infant, when dried & placed nude on the mother's chest & then covered with a blanket will
maintain his or her body temperature as well as the elaborate, high-tech healing devices that usually separate the mother
& baby.
The same researchers found
that when the infants are skin-to-skin with their mothers for the first 90 minutes, they cry hardly at all, compared to infants
who were dried & wrapped in a towel & placed in a bassinet.
It seems likely that each
of these features -
- the crawling ability of the infant
- the sensitivity of the mother's nipple
- the decreased crying when close to their mother
- the warming capabilities of the mother's chest -
are adaptive & were built into human beings several hundred
thousand years ago during much more stressful times, to help preserve the infant's life.
In addition, when
the infant suckles from the breast, there's a large outpouring of 20 different gastrointestinal hormones in both the mother
& the infant, including cholecystokinens, which stimulate growth of the baby's & mother's intestines & increase
the absorption of calories with each feeding.
The stimuli for this release
are the mother's nipple & the inside of the infant's mouth. These responses were essential for survival thousands of years
ago when periods of famine were more common before the development of modem agriculture.
This presentation
describes these new findings & why all mothers should receive early contact with suckling in the first hour & rooming-in
(two components of the UNICEF Baby Friendly Initiative).
New observations in the area
of parent-to-infant bonding will be shared with implications for changes needed in the care of the family in the perinatal period.
As you can see from the picture below of my daughter, Melissa, on the day her first child is born - she's
overwhelmed with emotion....
Having experienced birth myself, five different times, can assure you that these moments - directly following
the birth of your baby, are so precious. There's an interaction between parents and baby that's so innate, so natural and
easy....
Without these moments, and the moments with mother directly following birth... a baby can develop monumental
problems.
kathleen
The renewed interest in this
early period after birth has been stimulated by several provocative observations of both mother & infants.
Perhaps the most dramatic
example of these observations is the ability of newborns, if left quietly on the mother's abdomen after birth, to crawl
from abdomen gradually up to her breast, find the nipple & start to suckle.
Investigators
have also noted that if the lips of the infant touch the nipple in the first hour of life, a mother will decide to keep her
baby longer in her own room during her hospital stay than another mother who didn't have contact until later.
Other researchers
have shown that the normal infant, when dried & placed nude on the mother's chest & then covered with a blanket will
maintain his or her body temperature as well as the elaborate, high-tech healing devices that usually separate the mother
& baby.
The same researchers found
that when the infants are skin-to-skin with their mothers for the first 90 minutes, they cry hardly at all, compared to infants
who were dried & wrapped in a towel & placed in a bassinet.
It seems likely that each
of these features -
- the crawling ability of the infant
- the sensitivity of the mother's nipple
- the decreased crying when close to their mother
- the warming capabilities of the mother's chest -
are adaptive & were built into human beings several hundred
thousand years ago during much more stressful times, to help preserve the infant's life.
In addition, when
the infant suckles from the breast, there's a large outpouring of 20 different gastrointestinal hormones in both the mother
& the infant, including cholecystokinens, which stimulate growth of the baby's & mother's intestines & increase
the absorption of calories with each feeding.
The stimuli for this release
are the mother's nipple & the inside of the infant's mouth. These responses were essential for survival thousands of years
ago when periods of famine were more common before the development of modem agriculture.
This presentation
describes these new findings & why all mothers should receive early contact with suckling in the first hour & rooming-in
(two components of the UNICEF Baby Friendly Initiative).
New observations in the area
of parent-to-infant bonding will be shared with implications for changes needed in the care of the family in the perinatal period.
Nancy Verrier, M.A., M.F.C.C., Psychotherapist,
adoptive mother, and author, The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child.
Title: How Separation From the Birth Mother Leads to Violence
Society has had an altruistic
view of adoption: it was about rescuing children from a terrible fate.
Incorporated into that myth
has been the belief that we could substitute one mother for another & the baby would be none the wiser.
In my research
into the subject of adoption, in talking to myriad adoptees, birth mothers & adoptive parents & in my work with adoptees
in psychotherapy, I know that this isn't true.
Babies know that they're being
handed over to a stranger & they don't like it. It's a violence against their sense of well-being & against the natural
order of things.
However, as infants they're
helpless to do anything about it. The rage they feel at this unnatural act & the helplessness they felt at the time continues
to fester in many adoptees.
The rage goes
deeper than that, however. It's about the rage an infant feels in waiting & waiting & waiting for his mother to return
& she never does. Adoptees greatly fear this rage, because they feel as if they could blow up the world with it.
Some keep themselves tightly controlled
by becoming numb to any feelings, while others act out their rage in acts of violence by saying things, breaking things, hitting
things, committing crimes & turning that rage against themselves in acts of suicide.
Adoptees are over-represented
in special schools, treatment centers, juvenile halls & prisons (See B.J. Lifton, Journey
of the Adopted Self.) A number of serial killers are adopted. Even adoptees who have been models of control
know that rage lies just below the surface waiting to be triggered.
Because this rage is a result
of early trauma, it's difficult to control unless everything's controlled. This is only one of many issues which results from
the unnatural manipulation of children's lives.
Attachment: A New Way of Understanding
the Problems of Parents & Kids
by Debra Wesselmann, MS, LPC
The Advantages of a Secure Attachment
The research in the field of attachment
opens up a whole new world for all of us in understanding the problems of parents &
children.
Attachment
is the emotional connection between any 2 people. However, life's first attachments are by far the most important, as they set a template for all later relationships.
Attachment
between kids & parents evolved naturally eons ago, as the infants & children who developed a strong need to remain near their parents were the ones who were most likely to survive - both physically & psychologically.
Children
who feel the most secure in their early relationships with parents have tremendous advantages in
life. They tend to grow up feeling good about themselves & others. They cope well with life's ups & downs & they have a strong capacity for empathy.
These
kids naturally form other healthy, close relationships as they go out into the world. Kids who haven't developed a healthy, secure attachment
with parents tend to grow up feeling more insecure, disconnected & angry.
3 Ingredients
of Attachment
There are
3 main ingredients to a secure attachment relationship. The first is physical connection, which means plenty of touch & eye contact.
Such
things as cradling an infant while feeding, cuddling with a toddler before bedtime & hugging a teenager increase the sense of physical connection, especially if touch & eye contact take place on a daily basis throughout the childhood years.
The 2nd
ingredient is emotional connection. Children sense their parents are connected on an emotional level when their parents are tuned into their feelings. Infants feel their parents' attunement when parents respond accurately to their infants' cries or when they share their
infants' delight in new discoveries.
Finally,
children need an environment that is consistent, predictable & safe in
order to develop a quality attachment. Children need to know that if their feelings or behaviors get out of control, their parents will remain steady & calm.
Obstacles to a Secure
Attachment
All babies & children are biologically programmed to attach
to their parents, but not all children develop quality attachments.
There are several situations
that can interfere with a good attachment; i.e., children with a difficult temperament may
be so highly active or so extreme in their emotions that their parents naturally have difficulty connecting with them either physically or emotionally.
Children who endured an
abusive or chaotic early life & who are later placed with an adoptive family may have emotional walls that are difficult to penetrate.
Parents who live in stressful circumstances may have difficulty creating secure attachments. Out
of necessity they may be so preoccupied with solving the problems of living & coping that they're unable to tune into their children's feelings & needs.
Parents with addictions (click on the previous word, "addictions" to read more about how addictions can interrupt the
attachment process) are unable to stay attuned to their children or provide a consistent, safe environment because they're preoccupied
with the addictive substance or behavior & the whole family may be on the addictions roller coaster together.
Finally, parents who grew up without secure attachment relationships themselves often have difficulty providing
the ingredients of a secure attachment relationship with
their own children.
Parents who were mistreated
as children may have a strong need to be in control in order to avoid feeling vulnerable & may therefore become excessively controlling with their children. Parents who were mistreated may perceive normal child misbehaviors as attempts to mistreat or hurt them & may overreact in these situations.
Parents who experienced
poor attachments are also more vulnerable to the use of addictive substances or behaviors (click on the immediate underlined link words to see how this isn't only a contributing factor to
poor or no attachment with addicted mothers, but it's also a reason to self medicate when a parent doesn't feel "able"
to bond with her own baby) to cope.
What can happen when there's an insecure bond between
parent & child?
this
excerpt is from children101 - part of the emotional feelings network
of sites... click here to read the entire article! ( Bonding & the Emotional Needs of Children Janae
B. Weinhold. Ph.D)
Insecurely Bonded Children
Children who are insecurely bonded tend to be:
Insecure bonding is an unsafe & unpredictable state that develops as a result of living in a fear-based environment.
It's the primary cause of addictions, “attachments”
to things & the underlying cause of impaired mental health.
The 2 primary kinds of insecure bonding
are
Children with avoidant bonding may appear:
Instead, they learn how to:
- comfort themselves
- usually don't seek solace from their caregivers
when experiencing distress
This premature autonomy & emotional distancing, often disguised as hurt & anger, inhibit a child's long-term capacity for vulnerability & eventually become a barrier to intimacy.
Children with anxious/ambivalent bonding tend to pursue contact with others but also
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