"The big hidden cost for service members, of course, is that they may go to war & die," says Houppert. Or if they don't die, they could go to war & not come home for a year or two. Or they could come back maimed: Kris Atherton returned from Iraq w/an amputated arm & a case of Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome.

Houppert's account of life as a military wife strips the veneer off of headlines announcing American casualties in Iraq & exposes the toll war takes on families at home. But more than just a chronicle of war widows' grief, her book shows us how day by day these spouses earn the right to boast, as it says on a Fort Bragg minivan bumper sticker:

"Army wife: the toughest job in the Army."

Military spouses cope w/childcare hassles, teenage moodiness, car pools, lawn care - all the same challenges parents face in the civilian world. Only they do it alone. For months at a time - all the while never knowing if their husbands will make it back safely.

The lives of families on the 170 military bases are, as Houppert describes it, closely prescribed by a "labyrinth of rules." At Fort Drum, home to 8,800 family members & 11,000 soldiers, a 129-page "Resident's Guide to Family Housing" spells out prohibitions against the use of clotheslines, trampolines, fences, waterbeds, ceiling fans, gardens & wallpaper borders (except by special dispensation).

Grass must be kept below 4" in height. Kool-Aid shouldn't be served near carpeted areas. Children can't leave toys on the sidewalks. Holiday lights may be lit only from dusk until 10 p.m. & should be removed by the second week in January. Dogs must have an identifying microchip inserted in their ears & there's a 2 pet maximum.

Even the logistics & protocol of death & military burial are carefully orchestrated down to the dress blue uniforms worn by the casualty notification officers, or "notifiers," to every sentence they utter, to the brand new 70,000-square-foot morgue built in Dover, Del., with room for 380 military caskets.

The other hidden cost for soldiers & their families "is a demand that they surrender self-determination to the institution." Handbooks for military wives suggest that they shouldn't complain to husbands overseas because it's their responsibility to help strengthen their spouses' morale.

By maintaining a happy home, wives are being patriots & doing their bit for the country, the military & their husbands' careers. Not until 1988 did the DOD stop the practice of incorporating commentaries on a wife's behavior in her husband's job review, but there's still overt disapproval when the authorities find Mrs. GI Joe failing to put his career first.

Realizing that their soldiers aren't going to be happy unless their families are, the Army has tried to provide support thru its Army Family Team Building program. But such programs go only so far in countering the loneliness & isolation that comes w/being a military spouse.

There are, i.e., Family Readiness Groups (FRGs) which function as support groups for military wives. FRGs engage in such morale-boosting activities as raising money to send supplies to soldiers & organizing phone trees to keep wives totally up to date about unit mobilizations.

Wives often volunteer as much as 40 hours a week at their local FRG - partly because they can't get paying jobs. Military bases are located in remote areas where skilled jobs are scarce; even when employment is available, families are transferred from base to base so frequently that it's hard for wives to keep jobs.

Also, the husbands' long absences mean that neither parent would be home to provide child care were the wife working outside the home. Given these 3 factors, very few military wives are able to develop meaningful careers.

Some of them find a sense of community, self-worth & patriotism when they volunteer at their FRGs, but others who happen to have jobs or choose to volunteer off base, feel pressured to participate. When one army wife Houppert profiled criticized her FRG in the "Military Spouse" column of Fort Drum's local paper, she was treated like a heretic.

But the greatest sin is to speak out against any war to which the troops may be assigned. Houppert had trouble convincing wives who opposed the Iraq war to talk to her because they didn't want their views published.

Being anti-war is a gateway drug to that other seditious offense, Hurting Your Husband's Career. One former female soldier told Houppert that people were afraid to criticize any army policy in the post newspaper. "It's ironic that we're charged with defending all these freedoms we're denied as members of the military."

Interestingly, Houppert dispenses with the question of male military spouses in her introduction, where she argues that 94% of military spouses are wives. Still, I find this omission significant in light of the rising numbers of women in the military & newsmagazine cover stories asking what happens when mom goes to war.

As of 2002, (according to the Women's Research & Education Institute) 15% of U.S. service personnel were women & approximately 10% of U.S. forces deployed in Iraq & Afghanistan are women.

The most chilling chapter in Home Fires Burning describes the serious problem with domestic violence on the base, or to use yet another military euphemism, the "spousal aggression issue."

It turns out that the rate of domestic violence in the military is 2 to 5 times higher than in the civilian population. Houppert goes back to the country's largest military base, Fort Bragg, N.C., where in the summer of 2002 - 4 wives were murdered, allegedly by their husbands or ex-husbands, in a 6 week period.

That summer of 2002, it was statistically more dangerous to be an army wife than a Fort Bragg soldier. Houppert tells the lesser-known story of Tabitha Croom, a former stripper who was murdered in 1999 at Fort Bragg. The evidence pointed to Croom's Special Forces boyfriend, but in a classically oxymoronic case of "military justice," the murder was never prosecuted & the suspect was honorably discharged.

Croom's case is one of so many that prove that the military justice system is built on an inherent conflict of interest. "Military courts-martial were created with a primary goal: maintaining control in the ranks. Justice was secondary," writes Houppert.

Karen Houppert was 14 in June 1977 when her 36-year-old father's T-33 airplane crashed into a potato field outside Brussels on a routine mission, a searing experience which has given her a special kind of emotional access to her subjects. She does an excellent job of capturing the hardships they face.

Yet Houppert doesn't spend much time on the many women (& some men) who willingly chose to marry into the military & are proud of the sacrifices they make. Houppert has given us an important & wrenching coming-of-age story Of an entire sector of women who, because their husbands chose such an honorable profession, are often prohibited from "being all that they can be."

Clara Bingham is the author of Women on the Hill and co-author of Class Action.

COPYRIGHT 2005 Washington Monthly Company
COPYRIGHT 2005 Gale Group

The Fear of Being Alone - By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Gina consulted with me because her marriage was falling apart. She'd discovered that her husband was having yet another affair & when he was with her, he was either angry or withdrawn. She had requested numerous times that he join her in couples therapy, but he had no interest in healing their relationship.

Gina was financially independent & could easily leave. Their children were all adults. There was nothing to keep her in this marriage. Yet she was still there.

“Gina, why are you staying in this marriage?”

“Because I’m afraid to be alone.”

I hear this time & time again from both men & women. Why are so many people afraid to be alone?

The underlying cause of the fear of being alone is self-abandonment.

Imagine yourself as a baby being left alone – a terrifying situation. As a tiny child, you can't take care of yourself. You can't get food to eat or water to drink. You can't change your own diaper. Left alone long enough, you will die.

As an adult, this is certainly not the situation. However, if you've handed over to your partner the job of your physical &/or emotional wellbeing, it feels the same as being an abandoned child. You've abandoned your inner child, handing him or her over to your partner. This is what causes the fear of being alone.

If you were taking full responsibility for yourself – valuing yourself, listening to yourself, taking loving care of yourself physically, emotionally, financially & spiritually, you wouldn't fear being alone.

In your relationships, what you do you out of the fear of being alone? Do you try to control your partner or others with anger, blame, tears, or compliance? Do you put up with intolerable or abusive behavior? Do you rationalize that, no matter how bad it is, it's better than being alone? Does it feel as if you will die if you end up alone?

The truth is that the only time we actually feel alone is when we abandon ourselves. We may feel lonely when we want to share love with another & there isn’t anyone there or the other person is closed to connection.

But being lonely is a fact of life. It can occur within a relationship or without. In fact, Gina was extremely lonely in her relationship, perhaps more lonely that she would have been had she been alone.

She was willing to tolerate the deep loneliness & heartbreak to avoid being alone.

I worked with Gina on learning how take responsibility for her own feelings, how to manage her loneliness & how to connect with the love, wisdom & comfort of a spiritual source of Guidance.

You're never alone & when you learn to connect deeply with your Self & your Guidance, you'll know you're never alone. It's this deep inner connection that takes away of the fear of being alone.

Gina worked with me individually in phone sessions & attended a 5-day intensive to learn the Inner Bonding process that I teach for become a loving Adult – a loving spiritually connected inner parent capable of taking loving care of her self. After practicing the Inner Bonding process for a year, Gina was ready to leave her marriage. She told her husband she was going to seek a divorce.

To her surprise, her husband agreed to do couples counseling with her. She still decided to separate from him, but they started to work together to heal their relationship. Eventually they attended a 5-day Inner Bonding Couples Intensive together.

Today, while not all the problems are healed, they're on their way to creating a solid caring relationship. Because Gina was willing to heal her fear of being alone, her behavior changed so much in her marriage that her husband was willing to open & learn with her. But even if he hadn’t, she would've been fine, since she was no longer abandoning herself.

Living Alone

Believe In Yourself

It all comes down to a basic fact - no matter how much you may desperately want to be in a committed relationship, no matter how desperately you may wish to have a good marriage - you can't control any life but your own.

Divorce will be one of the most traumatic experiences you may ever have... but you'll get thru it. You'll be stronger, more self-reliant & more in control of yourself. If you believe in yourself, you'll succeed.

For some it's called 'midlife awakening,' however, learning to rely on yourself for your happiness may cause your life to change direction. You may find that possessions are much less valuable than personal happiness. Material possessions are always obtainable, if you have enough money to buy them. Personal happiness can't be purchased; it's earned thru experience, toil & tears.

When you learn to believe in yourself, when you know that you have control over your choices, when you do because you want to, not because someone else says you must, you'll understand freedom. And it's beautiful. Whether or not you have someone else with whom you share your life. By choice, not need.

Take care of yourself.

Income: Poverty affects women disproportionately throughout their lives, but particularly in their later years. Income is a particularly critical issue for older women who live alone.

45% of older women living alone are poor or near-poor.

While some of these women are from low-income families, many face poverty for the first time, after divorce or death of a spouse.

Poverty plagues older women for several interrelated reasons. Women tend to have limited or intermittent stays in the paid work force, largely because our society leaves to women the care of the young, sick & old family members.

The work history patterns common among women make it difficult to accrue adequate private pensions, or to become eligible for pensions at all. A woman's Social Security retirement benefits reflect any reduction in hours or absences from the paid work force.

Yet 1/3 of older single women rely on Social Security benefits for at least 90% of their income w/the average monthly benefit of $412.

Many widows rely on the Social Security spousal benefits. Yet there are many widows who forfeit their spousal Social Security benefits if they divorce after having been married for less than 10 years.

They also frequently lose their spouse's private pensions regardless of the length of marriage. Widows are likely to experience a sharp drop in income & benefits upon the death of their spouse.

Once a man is out of her life a woman often finds herself in reduced financial circumstances. One study revealed that within 3 years, widows found their income reduced by 44%.

Poverty & living alone make all other elements of well-being more difficult to attain. Housing, food, clothing, medical care, health & assistance w/chores are all affected to a greater or lesser extent by the amount of income one has & by the availability of routine or emergency care from others or a family member.

The Supplemental Security Income (SSI) program is intended to provide an income safety net for older persons, but it falls short of this goal.

The program provides a monthly benefit to low-income older persons but brings poor women to only 76% of the federal poverty level. Still, many elderly poor are ineligible for the program because their assets exceed the asset limit of $1,900 for individuals.

Another problem is that a large group of older women don't receive benefits they're eligible for either because they don't know about them or how to get them, or because they're too proud to accept this assistance.

Others, especially those for whom English is a second language, may not understand the complicated paperwork necessary to initiate payments. Thus, only half of elderly persons eligible for Supplemental Security Income actually receive benefits.

Employment: is critical for many older women to avoid poverty. Yet when widowed or divorced women try to find jobs, if they've been a housewife for most of their adult life, they find that all there is available are poorly paid jobs such as salesperson, file clerk, or receptionist.

Many women past 50 encounter the great prejudice that exists against hiring older women. Those older women who do find work are more likely to work in jobs that are less secure &lower paying than younger or male workers.

For all workers, a woman makes 68 cents to a man's dollar, but a woman over 45 makes only 61 cents for every dollar a man her age makes & a woman over 65 makes only 57 cents for his dollar.

Housing: Adequate housing options are critical for the well-being of older women, but particularly so for those older women who live alone. While most older people own their own homes, older women are less likely to do so than are older men.

Since the incomes of older women are smaller than those of older men, housing consumes a larger part of their income. Older women may be forced to choose between safe, adequate housing & other necessities.

Public housing units are in short supply & frequently fail to meet even minimum standards of health & safety.

The high cost of housing is a particularly difficult burden for older women who live alone. Financial strains often mean that the woman has to sell her house & move to cheaper quarters.

Health: Older women have healthcare needs that are quite distinct from those of older men. The illnesses, appropriate treatment, availability of unpaid caregivers & financial resources of older women are very different from those of older men.

Treatments, research, medical insurance & government health programs fail to address the needs of older women because older men are treated as the norm for the elderly.

In addition, although women of different ethnic & racial backgrounds have different health needs, the situation of white elderly is treated as the norm.

Older women are more likely to suffer from long-term, chronic illness & disabilities & are less likely to have acute illnesses than older men. The institutional bias of Medicare & Medicaid, therefore, has a negative impact on women. Frequently, home healthcare & homemaking assistance are more appropriate & effective services for persons w/chronic health problems than are hospital or nursing home stays.

Women are much more likely to live alone & therefore, to lack in-home, unpaid assistance.

Healthcare Costs: also have a disproportionate impact on older women. In 1986, Medicare paid for 48% of the total healthcare expenditures of an unmarried man over 65, but only 33% of unmarried older women.

Since the income of a woman alone is far less than that of either a couple or a man living alone, every dollar spent on healthcare is a greater percentage of a woman's income than it is of a man's.

In addition, since most women outlive their husbands, they're more likely to pay for the cost of a spouse's medical care, particularly for nursing home care & are less likely to have someone to help pay for their own care.

The income requirements for nursing home coverage under Medicaid require that a couple "spend down" to poverty level to obtain care for one spouse. While recent legislation has increased the amount the spouse in the community may retain to live on, the assault on the dignity and the resources of the couples affected remains.

Women as Caregivers: Women are more likely to carry the burden of being primary caregivers themselves. Approximately 75% of home care for disabled elderly was unpaid & generally provided by a female relative.

Caregiving represents an additional financial, emotional & physical burden to women in mid & late life. The average age of caregivers is 57. Support services, such as respite care, are rarely available to these caregivers.

Safety & Security: Safety in the home is a special problem for older women living alone. While there's some disagreement about whether elderly women are victims of crime at rates greater than the general population, there's no doubt that the fear of crime causes tremendous isolation & anxiety for older women.

For those who live alone, the consequences of accidents can be considerably more serious than for older people who have someone continually available to monitor their safety. In particular, hip fractures & their complications are a major factor in institutionalization for older women.

Divorce: One of the most emotional experiences a woman now living alone must overcome is a divorce. Many women after many years of marriage joined a growing number of other women who, on their path to the golden years, made a pit stop in the courtroom.

Women who believed in "til death do us part" find that many older couples are getting divorced more than their counterparts of 10 or 20 years ago. Today, there are 1.3 million divorced Americans 65 & older, a group that, since 1980, has increased more than twice as fast as the population of older Americans as a whole.

Marriages run into different challenges upon retirement & can end in divorce. You have heard of the old saying, "For better or for worse, but not for lunch." All of a sudden w/all that time w/one another you come to realize that you have not worked at the relationship. Dividing up friends after a long-term marriage often is as stressful as dividing up the property.

The most serious consequences of a divorce for women in their later years may be the economic impact. The men usually have pensions; the women may not.

Loneliness: It's safe to say that loneliness is one of the greatest problems of living alone for women as well as for men. However, women in general have more friends & acquaintances than men who they can call upon to talk about their troubles or to get together w/ just for company. Fortunately, any individual has the opportunity to become more comfortable wthis problem by doing something about it.

Widower's Peak: As Males Live Longer, More Are, Unexpectedly, All Alone

During their 40 year marriage, they walked along Revere Beach nearly every day. In the evening, he'd play his piano, accompanying her violin.

He never imagined she'd die first. Men usually go before their wives. But as medical technology allows people to live longer, the number of elderly men, including widowers, is steadily rising.

Federal statistics show that the number of elderly widowers increased 64% over the last half-century. There are now close to 2 million widowers over the age of 65, many of whom never expected to be alone in their golden years.

In the past decade, the number of elderly widowers has increased by 239,000.

Though widowed female seniors still outnumber widowers by more than 4 to 1, the men are catching up. Two decades ago, Boston-area senior citizen residences were home to just 2 or 3 widowers living amongst scores of widows, officials at these centers say. Today, there are usually enough men to complete a baseball lineup.

And, w/their growing numbers comes a growing problem for elderly widowers: loneliness.

Gerontologists say that widowers struggle more than widows to live w/out a spouse. Growing up during an era when men relied on their wives to be housekeeper, caretaker & their main source of emotional support, an expanding generation of elderly widowers find they've lost both their best friend & their social planner, leaving them isolated.

''For women, it's a seamless thing. For men, it can be a big change,'' said Jan E Mutchler, professor of gerontology at the University of Massachusetts at Boston. When men lose a spouse, ''they lose the person they rely on most.''

That's why the American Association of Retired Persons suggests that men write about their loss in a daily journal & attend support group meetings.

''They've been so conditioned to be strong, they bottle everything up. Even thoug they appear to be adjusting well, inside they're really suffering,'' said Kathy Wood, national program consultant for the AARP's grief & loss programs.

Though many senior widowers like 88-year-old Graney say they don't see the point in finding love in their twilight years - ''What are you going to do, have a woman catering to an old buzzard like me?'' he asks - other men are finding second chances in an abundance of eligible women.

At Bayview of South Boston, an assisted-living residence, heads turn when Millie & Michael walk by, always hand in hand.

''People whisper, 'I can't believe she's holding his hand. She's only known him for a few months,''' said receptionist Joan McGrath.

Their romance began shortly after Michael Mooradian, 80, went to live at Bayview. The widower, whose wife died 20 years ago of cancer, said he was sad & lonely for years.

He had acquaintances, but never anyone he felt so close to - until he met Amelia Koutalidis, whom everyone calls Millie.

Koutalidis, 81, whose husband died in 1969, played solitaire for hours every day until the day she met Mooradian.

''I don't know. I just looked at him & he looked at me & I just knew. I liked him from the beginning,'' Koutalidis said.

Now, instead of solitaire, she plays rummy w/ Mooradian. Instead of moping in his room, or standing by the entrance waiting for his laughter to visit, Mooradian walks along Carson Beach w/ Koutalidis.

Mooradian, who was a hairstylist before he became a draftsman, even cuts Koutalidis's silvery hair.

''We talk about everything,'' she said. ''It seems like I've known him a long time.''

While the ratio of eligible partners is favorable to men, some men don't care for the romancing, saying they'd rather sit in an easy chair & read all day.

Frederick Gilmore, a retired Walpole firefighter who is 93, doesn't see the point in romance at his age. He said his heart ''is no good'' & he's ''full of arthritis & God knows what else.''

He has his own apartment at Forge Hill Senior Living Community in Franklin. A black & white photograph of his deceased wife, Rachael, sits on an end table. Married for 53 years, Rachael passed away in 1973.

He's had girlfriends since then, but no one who has taken his breath away.

''If there are any women here, I haven't met them,'' Gilmore said. ''Take a look around.''

Graney, who lives at Bayview, hasn't met anyone, either. He considers himself too old. If he had a girlfriend, he says, he would be a burden to her, since he needs help getting around. So, he lives on his memories.

But Mooradian & Koutalidis are making new memories together. Though Mooradian shares a room w/2 men, Koutalidis has her own. Last week, her bureau was adorned w/ a vase of red roses - a gift from Mooradian.

''You're never too old, you know,'' she said with a wink.

Make the Most of Living Alone
So you live by yourself? Enjoy it.

Your home is as tidy as you want it to be, the bathroom is all yours & you can come & go as you please. Paint the walls your favorite colour. Nurture an indoor garden - in the kitchen. Listen to music at breakfast. Live at your own pace. You don’t have to be lonely, even when you’re dealing with divorce or death.

If you’re feeling isolated or tired of peace & quiet, do something about it. There are easy changes you can make to have a full, vibrant, vital life.

Pick up the telephone. Call a friend, an old friend or former collegue. Phone a family member, just to say "Hi." Consider it part of your regular routine. If the people you know & care about are within easy travelling distance, make a date to get together.

Become more socially active. Meet with neighbors for afternoon tea or a walk in the park. Join a club. Take up square dancing, line dancing, bridge or bird watching. 

Get more involved in your religious community or consider taking part in a service group or civic organization. Politics, social action, fund raising, consciousness raising - you name it. There are limitless ways to get & stay socially connected.

It’s a fact: Social connection has a major impact on health & wellbeing.

Research shows that people with strong social ties live longer. Those who keep in touch & stay connected with family, friends & the community are physically & emotionally healthier than those who don’t. When you stay in touch, you have a social support system in place if & when you need it.

Get physical. Join an exercise class. Start swimming, bowling or take golf lessons. Most local recreation departments & community organizations offer fitness activities tailored specifically for mature adults. Whether you exercise on your own or in a group setting, regular physical activity will improve your sleep, your appetite & your overall health.

Enjoy your food. Grocery shop with a friend. Take advantage of special offers & trade coupons. Try new foods & look for small or single-serving packages. Start a supper or lunch club. Make cooking easy: Prepare enough to have leftovers for another meal & plan to have foods from at least 3 food groups each time you eat. Make mealtime a pleasurable occasion. Listen to music. Light a candle. Savour the fare & your own good company.

Spend time at activities you’ve always wanted to try. Hobbies are a great way to engage your intellect & enjoy your time. If you’ve always yearned to paint, write poetry or trace the family tree, now’s the time. Whether you’d like to start a life journal or study the stars, your local library will probably have how-to books to help your get started.

Bring home a roommate: Fido. Pets are great company. They help you relax, feel connected & they also promote exercise. When you walk the dog, you’re improving your cardiovascular fitness.

Bangkok, Bancroft or Banff? Go places! Travel is an exciting way to expand your horizons & meet new people. Whether you’d like to journey by bus, train, airplane or cruise ship, there’s a travel agency with ideas & options to suit your lifestyle & your budget. Some can match single travellers who want to share hotel rooms.

Take a course. Local colleges, universities, school boards & other organizations offer a plethora of programs, from computers to creative writing, which can be both practical & fascinating. If it’s not so easy to get around, check out the options for learning thru correspondence or via the internet.

Volunteer. Retirees of all ages & abilities make a big difference every day by lending a helping hand. Consider volunteeringat the local school, library, hospital, nursing home or social service agency. People who volunteer tend to feel healthier & happier.

Check out the seniors’ centre nearest you. Many centres offer a variety of fun & enlightening daily activities, special events & scheduled hot meals. Some provide assistance with transportation to & from the centre.

Alone for the Holidays? - By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Being alone is a challenge for many people. This challenge may loom especially large during the holidays if you're single or newly divorced & without family around you. Holidays are a time to share love & many people end up feeling depressed when they don't have people around with whom to share love. If you're in this situation, what can you do to make the holidays joyous rather than depressing?

The key phrase here is SHARE LOVE. Too often people think in terms of getting love rather than giving & sharing their love. They don’t realize that it is the act of giving their love that is so very fulfilling.

Gail had grown up very lonely in an emotionally distant family, with parents who didn't freely give their love & relatives who were also cold & distant. She had married an emotionally distant man & after 7 years of more loneliness, had decided to leave him. This was her first holiday season alone.

Gail decided that she wasn't going to be alone & lonely again this holiday season. She did some research on service agencies that needed volunteers & discovered a women’s shelter in her area for women & their children who were hiding from physically abusive husbands.

The shelter was badly in need of funds for food, which Gail didn’t have. What she did have was the time to help gather food. Each day, after her job as a secretary, Gail went around to the markets in her area until she found some willing to donate Thanksgiving dinners for the mothers & their children.

Then, on Thanksgiving Day, she spent her time at the shelter cooking, decorating, serving & having Thanksgiving dinner with these brave women who had left their abusive husbands to save themselves & their children.

It was the best Thanksgiving she ever had! By choosing to share her love with people who needed her, she felt filled with love.

Gail had such a fulfilling experience that she found a small part-time job in addition to her regular job so that she could afford to buy presents for the children at the shelter for Christmas. She had such fun buying presents for the children & watching their joyous little faces as they opened them on Christmas day! Gail felt anything but alone & lonely.

Gary was in a similar situation to Gail. He was single, had been an only child to parents who were no longer alive & had no close relatives. His janitorial business didn't give him much opportunity to make friends. Gary had spent many lonely holidays feeling isolated & depressed & decided a few years ago to do something about it.

Gary loved animals. As a child, his dog had been his main connection with love. After some research, Gary discovered that there was a wonderful animal shelter within a half-hour of his home – a shelter that loved & cared for animals & didn’t euthanize them.

Gary started to volunteer one day a week on the weekends – cleaning, feeding, playing with puppies & kittens, helping to interview people who wanted to adopt a pet & getting to know the other volunteers.

He found that he really connected with the people who volunteered there. Many of them were loving people who were deeply devoted to caring for animals. As his friendships developed, he found he had a new sense of family centered around the shelter.

Thanksgiving & Christmas were now sometimes spent with the other volunteers who didn't have families & sometimes with the families of some of the volunteers. Gary’s life had become full & fulfilling. The last I heard, he was dating a woman who also volunteered at the animal shelter.

No matter what your life situation is, you can always share your love with others. Instead of feeling alone & lonely this holiday season, open your heart to giving. There are many people & animals out there who would welcome your love.