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avoidance

my personal story
keeping in touch...
abandonment
absorbed
abuse
acceptance
accomplishment
accountable
acknowledged
admiration
affection
affirmed
afraid
aggravated
aggression
agitation
agony
alienation
alone
ambivalent
anger
annoy
antagonistic
anticipation
anxiety
apathy
apologetic
appreciation
apprehension
arrogance
ashamed
assertive
attached
attentive
available
avoidance
aware
awkward

nowhere within the emotional feelings network of sites is any opportunity for me to make any profit from any of the 28 + sites within this network. this network of sites has been put together as a personal mission to help others by informing those who need information concerning mental health, eating disorders, lifestyle factors, and every other topic listed within.

navigational hint: all underlined link words open up a new window instead of changing your present one, taking you to another site within the emotional feelings network of sites - or to another site referencing the underlined link word!

welcome to the emotional feelings network of sites

It's very important that you visit the next page: keeping in touch!
Reason being: If you're here because you're searching for an answer to your feelings of dissatisfaction, unhappiness, feeling sick, or just general feelings of misery in your life - you need to find a volunteer opportunity that you feel comfortable with.
 
For a life changing listen - click here - it's truly life changing and something we all need to listen to. It does take some time to listen to Randy Pausch's Last Lecture, but you won't regret it.
 
You can help yourself by helping others. You might not think so; but it's true. Find something you can do to help some worthy causes. "Keeping in Touch" will show you some important causes that need you!
 
Why not just click here now to get it over with! So even if you leave this site after finding some information concerning an emotion or feeling... you'll also leave with the seed of thought concerning volunteer work that might produce some results bringing you a sense of accomplishment & find yourself feeling better!

click this underlined link to go there now! there's lots of additional "avoidance" information!

  welcome...
i'm really glad to see you!
 
you've found your way to the emotional feelings network of sites!  below you'll find a description of what the emotional feelings network of sites is about as well as the best way to use this invaluable resource for your own personal needs.
 
kathleen

remembering september eleventh
forever free: remembering september eleventh
always & forever

Your dictionary definition of:
 
avoidance -avoid
noun.
    1. The act of shunning or avoiding.

\A*void"ance\, n.

2. The act of becoming vacant, or the state of being vacant;  specifically used for the state of a benefice becoming void by the death, deprivation, or resignation of the incumbent.

Wolsey, . . . on every avoidance of St. Peter's chair, was sitting down therein, when suddenly some one or other clapped in before him. Fuller.

3. A dismissing or a quitting; removal; withdrawal.

4. The act of avoiding or shunning; keeping clear of.

"The avoidance of pain.''

Beattie.

please read now!

please read now!

Important notice:

 
is coming along.
 
it's the replacement site for extremely emotional!
 
thanks for your continued patience with me as it takes so long to re-establish all the underlined link words as well as building a new site!
 
kathleen

Attention all visitors!
 
I'd like to offer you an opportunity to visit the up & coming new emotional feelings site called, "more emotional feelings."
 
Here at emotional feelings, home for the entire emotional feelings network of 28+ sites, things are getting a bit tight. Since these sites are "free" sites offered by Tripod - there's only so much space in each site to offer you the great information that authors from all over the world have written concerning the emotions & feelings you find within the site.
 
At more emotional feelings you'll find more emotions & feelings that are the same as the ones here at this site beginning with the letter "A" as well as some new ones - growth is exciting! And growth just proves that people are self helping in emotion & feeling work more & more today.
 
find additional information concerning "feeling abandoned," by clicking the above underlined link!
 
Amiable
to be added at a future date
 
While this site is still under construction, you will find that it offers quite a bit of new information in a newer format - i.e., offering suggestions for problem situations on the same page. Check it out! It's new!
 
 
kathleen

"There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid the labor of thinking."
Thomas A. Edison

Are you living in the present moment or in your past?

send me an email!

dividing the truths concerning abandonment

 welcome! to emotional feelings!
 
after looking things over here at emotional feelings, try out "the layer down under," (part of the emotional feelings network of sites) & read a special "i just gotta say it" column concerning porn addiction by clicking here! Be sure to scroll down towards the bottom of the right hand column to find it!
 
another important suggestion... visit this homepage to learn more about the features included within the emotional feelings network of sites!

click here to read i just gotta say it!

 
click here!  Bob Woodruff: Turning Personal Injury Into Public Inquiry click here!
 
I was personally very touched by this inspiring story as I watched it on television last night (2/27/07); especially after I experienced a life altering injury which took me 2 years to recover from.
 
What I want to ask you is...
If you can't help out with the helmets, below for our military men, can you volunteer or help our returning soldiers who are recovering with extreme traumatic brain injury?
 
Here are some links!
Check them out, I know that my family will be searching for a way we can help! Remember that those with traumatic or extreme physical injuries most often develop problems with their mental health!
 
 
 

 What is Operation Helmet?

Founded in 2003 by Dr. Robert H. Meaders whose grandson is an active duty Marine in Iraq, Operation Helmet is a nonpartisan 501(c)(3) organization dedicated to providing safer helmet pad upgrade kits to the troops in Iraq & Afghanistan. To date, more than 6,000 kits have been shipped to the troops in the field.

click here to get more info at their website!
please help our troops in iraq!

How this site works best for you!
 
You'll notice that there are many underlined link words in each article below. The reason for this is that you have reached not only, "emotional feelings, the home site," but the emotional feelings network of sites. There are many sites included within the network that'll be visited by clicking on these underlined link words.
 
The reason for this opportunity is very simple & yet you may be unnerved by all those underlined words! I've been in recovery from post traumatic stress disorder, depression & many other dysfunctional ventures & thru it all I've discovered that emotion & feeling work may be the missing link that many people miss when trying to find solutions to their problems.
 
Developing a sense of curiosity about why you feel the way you do, is essential in finding the solution you so desperately are searching for.
 
If you can't find what you came here looking for, visit the homepage for the emotional feelings network of sites by clicking above & read the options on the homepage for the networks index of sites. Try to be specific when looking for an emotion or feeling word & click on the site you need!
 
It's very simple & very interesting to follow your way thru the layers of your buried or stuffed emotions & feelings that have accumulated throughout the years!
 
when you've reached this point, or this website, you know you're making progress!!!! this part gets difficult because now is the time to look within & become emotionally honest with yourself!!!
 
Best of luck & if you're still stuck, send me an e-mail anytime, by clicking here & I'll be glad to send you an immediate personal response!
 
Sincerely,
Kathleen

dividing the truths concerning abandonment

don't cross over the line of avoidance
dividing inspirations concerning avoidance

Avoidance: The Good, The Bad and the Very Ugly  by Kathleen Howe
 
I've written a few times concerning "avoidance" because I was the "Queen" of avoiding things. I used denial, ignorance and just plain fear - a huge wall of fear - and I used each one of these tools to the very ultimate pinnacle they might be used. When you're avoiding things, it doesn't matter how dangerous it may be for you. You just can't or won't deal with it. In my case, I truly couldn't. I had this huge blockade that wouldn't let me enter and it took years for me to recognize the blockade itself, identify the exact dimensions of my blockages and years to process the backlog of emotions and feelings that caused my avoidance behavior to begin with. I had to literally take my past apart with a fine tooth comb, then research it like it was a term paper - better yet - a thesis and then deal with it the best I could, but always in my own time frame.
 
With avoidance behavior and feeling like you must avoid something - there are good reasons for avoiding that are usually safety issues. Much like anger, avoidance can keep us safe. We know that rattle snakes can bite us and kill us - so we avoid them. We know that driving too fast might make us wreck and ultimately injure or kill whoever is in the car with us so we AVOID driving too fast. So as you can very simply see - avoidance can have a good place in our existence.
 
With anger, you can find that if you use anger for "good" it can cause you to take action and change something that is wrong with your situation. Sometimes when you get mad enough you can change your behavior and stay with it - to keep your word when you say, "I promise I'll never do that again because it makes me so mad when I forget what I'm doing and then I end up getting hurt!"
 
If we use our brains, when we need to, to reason out and weigh the pros and cons to any situation, we'll see that we must avoid the things that might hurt us and heed to our common sense. It's the avoidance factor that we must pay attention to for good old common sense safety. Don't play in the street, avoid it and tell your children to avoid it because they don't want to get hit by a car. That is the simple part. 
 
I've read many articles that say we must look for the rationality of our situation. Avoiding what is "rational" to avoid. For me, I've got to say that I have to keep it in the aspect of "common sense" because when you're experiencing painful symptoms of pain or loss, perhaps depression or an anxiety disorder or both - there are many symptoms that will blind you to the "rationality" of your choices. You have an "emotional element" included into your reasoning and you might not be able to differentiate whether or not you are being rational.

dividing inspirations concerning avoidance

Examining my past and thinking about whether or not I could see the rationality of the situation made me delve even further into the possibilities concerning avoidance behaviors than I normally would. When you're trying to describe behaviors that you, yourself have experienced it can be difficult to be objective because you already know what the reasoning was behind it all. So I must tell you that if your life seems to be one disaster after another and it started with the tiniest snowball, from a one hour snowstorm and it ended up being the North Pole with a bunch of igloos everywhere.... you're most likely not sure that what you're doing is "avoiding" anything. You have the symptoms of your situation and circumstances overpowering your thought processes. You're living in a chaotic environment.
 
I had so many difficulties to deal with and I wasn't dealing with any of it. You see, when it starts snowing and people go outside and run and jump with glee because they're excited about snowball fights - they're not thinking about how many days in a row that it's going to snow. They're in the moment. They're experiencing the here and now. There's nothing wrong with that - we all need to experience living in the present moment, but we have to be realistic and rational. This would include finding out that it's going to snow non-stop for three weeks straight and there's a possibility that you could lose your power or get "snowed in." There's preparing that must be done. Get it?
 
If you've ever lived in south Florida, down around Ft. Lauderdale or Palm Beach on the east coast for any length of time, you've experienced hurricane season. Most people in south Florida avoid their responsibility of being ready for a hurricane should one happen to suddenly brew up and head your way. There's physical work to be done if you're living down there and this happens. You must tape and board up your windows. Batteries, canned food, water and a number of other emergency supplies must be ready at any moment. It happens every year down there. The weather man announces that it's time to get ready for hurricane season and yet we're all creatures of procrastination or "avoidance behaviors" and we put it off until the storm is on its way.
 
When a hurricane is looming off the coast and the television is saying get ready because it will hit between the hours of.... if you haven't prepared - being reasonable, rational, and realistic in your thinking and you avoided your personal responsibilities - you'll go to the store and the lines are two hours long for batteries, water and canned food. No lie. The Home Depot and Lowes are sold out of plywood and you're out of luck if you didn't get it already. There's no duct tape to be found within a 300 mile radius. Hurricanes hit within a huge radius of space. All of those millions of people who live in Florida might experience the hurricane so everyone must get ready.
 
In life we have storms just like snowstorms, blizzards and hurricanes. We have natural disasters such as tornadoes and floods and earthquakes. I'm using these weather storms as simple examples of how your life gets disrupted when we weather the storms of divorce, infidelity, illness, death, loss, violence, crime, abuse, and many other terrible happenings. If we don't get real with our lives and we shut it all out, avoiding the impending doom - it will hit us. It will hit us harder the more we avoid it. How can we stop from doing this avoidance thing when we aren't sure when it's really happening to us? When do we get concerned? When do we find that things are so out of our control that anxiety and fear are beginning to drown us and we can't breathe and we're beginning to experience panic attacks?
 
Believe me, it's almost too late when the eye of the hurricane is passing over your home; if you still have a home standing. New Orleans, you saw it happen! Everyone saw it happen on television. The storm was coming and no one used their pea brains to say - we've gotta get the heck outta here now! They avoided the warnings by the National Weather Service. Believe me, all of those people had cable television and the capability to watch the news and the weather channel to heed the warnings. The people in New Orleans avoided the inevitable. And the story continued and we all know what happened.

dividing inspirations concerning avoidance

Domestic violence is a very big storm front. It's one of life's escalating storms. It starts small and continues in a cycle to build and build and build and then the intensity of the storm becomes so severe that someone gets killed. Just like the hundreds that die in a hurricane because they didn't see the signs, prepare and get real with the world - they choose to be "unaware" of what is happening in their present environment and they become a victim.
 
Avoidance is like that. It just sneaks up and bites you in the butt and then it really hurts. Sometimes it just takes a bite and leaves and other times it eats you up. Something my mother never told me because she most likely thought that I would pick it up on my own was, if someone isn't nice to you - just stay away from them. You know she never told me, "Kathleen, you have choices in life." I never thought of that, I just existed. I just went with the flow of what I "needed" at that moment. I was in emotional pain and I wanted it to stop. So I just kept trying to do something that would get me out of pain without even thinking about the consequences of what I was doing. I had lived in a "fairy tale" world my entire childhood and I truly believed through my early teen years that I would meet my Prince Charming and he would ask me to marry him and I would ride off into the sunset with him and everything would be fine in my life.
 
Yes, I am admitting to believing that. While I had many unique experiences growing up, I was naive and sheltered. I knew many things that many people never learn, but I had no life skills. I didn't know what I needed to know in order to survive in the world. I was totally clueless. I was so clueless that I didn't know that people had to pay bills. I had no idea how much money my parents made or if they ever had enough or not enough money. Whenever I needed or wanted anything, I just asked for it and it appeared. Yep, I was that dumb. I was highly intelligent, but dumb.
 
I didn't know that there was welfare until I was in my late thirties, early forties. True as can be that little fact is. I didn't know how to manage on my own. I had always been married with children so to speak. When I got divorced, I got remarried. When I got divorced again, I got remarried again. I was a mess. I let people walk all over me and let them abuse me in every way because I didn't know that it was my job to look out for myself. I just didn't get it.
 
There are people in this world that are uneducated in the most vital of all matters. When something happens to them, that is uncomfortable or negative, they don't know how to cope with it and they just do the best they can with whatever they have. They go with the flow. If the marriage is miserable they go out and get drunk and make the situation worse. They do all kinds of things that are bad for them, but they don't know what to do. This is the beginning of the crucial part of avoidance. Once you start relying on avoidance behaviors to get through the pain, then you continue to avoid everything. You let yourself become numb to the world and if you avoid it - it can't touch you. But that's not true, it's just what you believe at that point.

dividing inspirations concerning avoidance

The reason we find ourselves using avoidance behaviors for the bad reasons we use them is we were never taught how to cope with the bad things that happen to us in our lives. No one ever tells us that if B happens - and you don't do C - then D will happen very quickly and there will never be an E. It's that simple. No one understood the importance of learning valuable life lessons when you were growing up. If your parents didn't know this stuff, how could they teach you? Most likely they did whatever they could to cope and it was the "wrong thing" and you watched them do it.
 
When your parents had a big fight and your dad hit your mother and she went to bed with a shiner and never said another word about the whole incident... you just assumed that this was how life works! Yeppers... this is what happens. Kids watch very closely as to what their parents do and they copy them. They mimic their behaviors no matter how good or bad they are. Even if they say to themselves, "I'll never hit anyone like that when I grow up!" They most likely will. 
 
It's like doing something through osmosis. You don't know why you're doing it but you're doing it.
 
In order for you, as an avid avoider, to stop avoiding things you must understand this whole story. It's my main theme over and over again! Educate yourself by reading the article. Read it and read it and read it until you totally understand it with no questions. After you can honestly say that you understand it - take action. Follow the directions. Take action to change by following the directions. Learn how to copy and paste and then copy and paste this article and print it out. Read it slowly and read it about twenty times before you do anything else. Then look back into your life and be HONEST for the first time in your life with yourself and see if you can jot down some of the situations I was describing. See if you can map out the storms that you weathered from the time you were born. Really. Keep trying it until you can find several memorable situations. Write them down. You must write them down and follow these directions without avoiding a single one.
 
If you've followed my directions - great! You're that much ahead of the other twenty people that just read this article and forgot about it. Pat yourself on the back and celebrate your accomplishment! They shook their heads up and down, signaling that they understood what I meant and they even said to themselves, "Yeah.... that makes sense." But the difference between you and the other twenty is that you didn't avoid following the directions and they did. You took the first positive step towards helping yourself when the others didn't.
 
Believe me, I can read your minds. You might copy, paste, print and read the article three times, but there's a few others that followed the directions and they won't have to come back here to copy, paste, print and read again. After you've followed my directions and you're ready to learn more about getting rid of your avoidance behaviors, e-mail me. emotionalfeelings101@hotmail.com
 
Tell me what you learned, just one thing. You don't have to say anything else, but one thing and then I'll tell you where to find the remainder of the articles that explain how to get rid of avoidance behaviors. It won't ever cost you anything to get the information, except the effort in following my directions. You'll have to become humble while you rearrange your life and fix it from weathering all those life storms. Believe me. I know. I've been working for six years and I'm still not finished! For each time that I follow the directions all the way through and accomplish that very small accomplishment; I feel myself becoming empowered with pride and strength and control. See if you feel it too.

don't cross over the line of avoidance

Acute Traumatic Stress Management

Whatever happens to us during peak emotional experiences in our lives, the gifts of life & the losses of life, will stay with us forever.

In the same way that negative experiences are etched in our minds, so too may the positive force of Acute Traumatic Stress Management. Having someone say & do the right thing, at the right time, can dramatically affect an individual's recovery.

It's important to realize that addressing emergent psychological needs in the aftermath of a tragedy doesn't require an advanced degree in mental health. In fact, the best help is often rendered by people on the front lines - people who take the time to listen & say the right things at the right time.

However, it's important for caregivers to know what to say & do before they reach out to help others. Traumatic experiences, by their very nature, compromise our ability to think clearly & often leave us feeling out-of-control. By having a plan, a traumatic stress response protocol, caregivers will be in control. They'll know what to say & do. They'll be prepared.

Beyond having an understanding of traumatic events & traumatic stress, caregivers must be equipped with practical tools that they can use to help others in the face traumatic exposure. This is the primary goal of Acute Traumatic Stress Management (ATSM).

ATSM was developed as a 10 stage model in order to provide structure during an unstructured period of time - & to enable caregivers to "read off the same page."

i.e., if I was helping an individual to remain in a functional state, by focusing on the facts of a given situation, it would be unfortunate & potentially problematic for another caregiver to walk over & ask, "How ya feeling?"

In fact, this situation was described to me by a New York City police officer in the wake of September 11th. He reported that he was talking with a colleague about extricating bodies when, "...some nut in a red jacket came over & asked me how I was feeling.... I told him to get the ____ out of here. I wanted to kill the bastard!" There's a right thing to say & a right time to say it.

Following, is a brief overview of the 10 Stages of ATSM. For additional information, caregivers are encouraged to read Comprehensive Acute Traumatic Stress Management (www.ATSM.org).

Noteworthy, is that ATSM was built on a strong, empirically-based foundation. The first 4 stages of this model are of primary importance to emergency medical personnel & have to do with considerations surrounding situation management & emergency medical care. The latter 6 stages may be implemented by all caregivers.

It's important to recognize that time constraints & the intensity of individuals' reactions, will vary. Consequently, appropriate intervention may not fall neatly into a linear progression of stages. Caregivers will need to be flexible given the presenting circumstances.

1. Assess for Danger/Safety for Self & Others

Upon arriving at the scene, assess the situation in order to determine whether there are factors that can compromise your safety or the safety of others. You'll be of little help to someone else if you're injured; i.e., don't enter a building that has obviously sustained structural damage. If possible, remove people from the location in order to risk further traumatic exposure.

2. Consider the Mechanism of Injury

Form an initial impression of those impacted by the event. In order to understand the nature of an individual's exposure, it's important to assess how the event may have physically impacted the person - that is, how environmental factors transferred to him.

i.e., if people are unconscious, it's important to know what factor, or factors led to their loss of consciousness. It's also important to consider the perceptual experiences of victims.

i.e., directly observing the bodies of children who have drowned will have a powerful impact on observers. Similarly, the sounds of people moaning will etch a lasting impression in the minds of all who arrive at the scene to help.

Ask yourself whether it's necessary for you to expose yourself to the inner perimeter. Direct exposure to a gruesome scene can compromise your ability to address emergent psychological needs.

dividing inspirations concerning avoidance

3. Evaluate the Level of Responsiveness

It's important to determine if an individual is alert & responsive to verbal stimuli. Does he feel pain? Is he aware of what's occurred, or what's presently occurring? Is he being influenced by a substance?

In the aftermath of Rita & Katrina, it's quite possible that people are experiencing "emotional" shock. Therefore, symptomatology may mimic acute medical conditions (i.e., rapid changes in respiration, pulse, blood pressure, etc.). Recognize that a psychological state of shock may be adaptive in preventing the individual from experiencing the full impact of the event too quickly. Keep in mind that during traumatic events, people can experience a wide range of emotional reactivity.

4. Address Medical Needs

Emergency responders are trained to assess the ABCs (i.e., airway, breathing & circulation). They understand that if a man isn't breathing, there will be little else that can be done to help him.

Emergency responders also understand the importance of addressing significant symptoms (e.g., severe chest pains) as well as the importance of knowing about existing medical conditions (e.g., diabetes). They've also been trained to know the kinds of injuries that may present a threat to life (e.g., internal bleeding).

It's critical that medical intervention be provided by trained emergency medical personnel. Consider the potential danger of moving a young woman who is found trapped under rubble. Despite the best intentions of caregivers, the woman may have suffered a back injury & movement could cause permanent injury to her spinal cord. It's imperative that life-threatening illness & injury are addressed prior to psychological needs.

dividing inspirations concerning avoidance

5. Observe & Identify

Observe & identify those who've been exposed to the event. Very often, these individuals will not be the direct victims. They may be secondary or hidden victims.

As I stated previously, witnessing, or even being exposed to another individual who has faced traumatic exposure, can cause traumatic stress.

As you observe & identify who has been exposed to the event (i.e., directly &/or indirectly), begin to observe & identify who is evidencing signs of traumatic stress.

An awareness of the emotional, cognitive, behavioral & physiological reactions suggestive of traumatic stress is important. Carefully look around you.

Anyone, including yourself, may be a direct or hidden victim. This observation & identification stage of ATSM may be viewed as the first traumatic stress - specific stage.

6. Connect with the Individual

Introduce yourself & let people know your role (e.g., "My name is Ron, I'm a social worker"). If the individual isn't physically injured & he has been cleared by emergency medical personnel, move him away to prevent further traumatic exposure.

Begin to develop rapport by making an effort to understand & appreciate his situation. A simple question such as, "How are you doing?" may be used to engage the individual. Use appropriate non-verbal communication (e.g., eye contact, body turned toward him, a gentle touch, etc.).

Recognize that during a traumatic experience, individual reactions may present on a continuum from a totally detached, withdrawn reaction to the most intense displays of emotion (e.g., uncontrollable crying, screaming, panic, anger, fear, etc.).

In view of the magnitude of these hurricanes, you may likely find yourself working to connect with small groups of individuals.

dividing inspirations concerning avoidance

7. Ground the Individual

When you have established a connection with an individual or small group of individuals (e.g., eye contact, body turned toward you, dialogue directed at you, etc.), you can initiate this grounding stage. Begin by acknowledging the hurricane at a factual level.

Here, you attempt to orient the person by discussing the facts surrounding the event. Address the circumstances at a cognitive, or thinking level. While we don't discourage the expression of emotion, attempt to focus on the facts in the here-&-now & help the individual to know the reality of the situation.

His "reality" may be seriously clouded due to the nature of the event. Remember, traumatic events overwhelm an individual's coping & problem-solving abilities. Assure him that he's now safe, if he is. He may still be "playing the tape" of the event over & over in his mind.

By reviewing facts, you may disrupt "negative cognitive rehearsal" (i.e., repetitive, potentially destructive thinking), help the individual to function & enable him to deal with the circumstances at hand.

It's important to "place the individual in the situation." Encourage him to "tell his story" & describe where he was, what he saw, what it sounded like, what it smelled like, what he did & how his body responded. Encourage him to discuss his behavioral & physiological response - rather than "how it felt."

dividing inspirations concerning avoidance

8. Provide Support

Factual discussion & the realization of a severe hurricane, may likely stimulate thoughts & feelings. This is often the time when individuals who are exposed to trauma need the most support.

However, in reality, it's also the time when many people look the other way. Many individuals feel terribly unprepared to handle others' painful thoughts & feelings. Oftentimes, they fear that they'll "open a can of worms" or "say the wrong thing."

Generally, a reasonable attempt to help others is preferable to avoidance.

It's important to establish & maintain a facilitative or helping attitudinal climate. Here, you attempt to understand & respect the uniqueness of the individual - the thoughts & feelings that he's experiencing.

You strive to "give back" a sense of control that has been "taken from" him by virtue of his exposure to the event. You support him & you allow him to think & feel.

Due to the magnitude of these storms, many people will experience an overwhelming sense of aloneness & withdraw into their own world. You should make a respectful effort to "enter that world" & to help the individual to know that he isn't alone & that his unique perception of his experience is important.

Don't attempt to talk a person out of a