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welcome! to emotional feelings!
after looking things over here at emotional feelings,
try out "the layer down under," (part of the emotional feelings network of sites) & read a special "i
just gotta say it" column concerning porn addiction by clicking here! Be sure to scroll down towards the bottom of the right hand column to find it!
another important suggestion... visit
this homepage to learn more about the features included within the emotional feelings network of
sites!
I was personally very touched by this inspiring story as I watched it on
television last night (2/27/07); especially after I experienced a life altering injury which took me 2 years to recover from.
What I want to ask you is...
If you can't help out with the helmets, below for our military men, can
you volunteer or help our returning soldiers who are recovering with extreme traumatic brain injury?
Here are some links!
Check them out, I know that my family will be searching for a way we can help!
Remember - extreme or traumatic physical injuries can have a deep impact on mental health!
What is Operation Helmet?
Founded in 2003 by Dr. Robert H. Meaders whose grandson is an active duty Marine in Iraq, Operation Helmet is a nonpartisan 501(c)(3) organization dedicated
to providing safer helmet pad upgrade kits to the troops in Iraq & Afghanistan.
To date, more than 6,000 kits have been shipped to the troops in the field.
  How this site works best for you!
You'll
notice that there are many underlined link words in each article below. The reason for this is that you have reached not only, "emotional
feelings, the home site," but the emotional feelings network of sites. There are
many sites included within the network that'll be visited by clicking on these underlined link words.
If you can't find what you came
here looking for, visit the homepage for the emotional feelings network of sites by clicking above & read the options on
the homepage for the networks index of sites. Try to be specific when looking for an emotion or feeling word & click on the site you need!
It's very simple & very
interesting to follow your way thru the layers of your buried or stuffed emotions & feelings that have accumulated throughout the years!
when you've reached this point, or this website, you know you're making
progress!!!! this part gets difficult because now is the time to look within & become emotionally honest with yourself!!!
Best of luck & if you're
still stuck, send me an e-mail anytime, by clicking
here & I'll be glad to send you an immediate personal response!
Sincerely,
Kathleen
about ambivalence
Ambivalence
is feeling both love & hate, pleasure &
disappointment, etc. all together, at the same time, about something & not being able to get rid of what causes
the feelings of hate, disappointment, etc. w/out also losing what offers the love, pleasure, etc.
Today, "it" happened, again. I think it's important to write about "it". "It" is that:
When I feel ambivalent about
something, the ambivalent feelings themselves lead me to do things which make the bad parts of what occasioned the ambivalence
even worse & also to place the good parts in even greater jeopardy than they already were.
My
ambivalence even, sometimes, leads me to ruin the good parts altogether.
There are many social customs
& attitudes which foster the production of ambivalent situations,
e.g.:
-
"You wouldn't appreciate the good things if you had never experienced anything bad."
-
"It's important to not make it too easy for [whomever]."
-
"No pain, no gain"
etcetera far beyond nauseam....
People in our society think they're overweight because they're bombarded w/advertising which shows svelte bodies enjoying all the goods of life./These
same people gained the weight they wish they didn't have because they're bombarded w/advertising urging them to eat fats
& sweets.
Much ambivalence is in varying degrees "unconscious"
(a child generally can't "afford" to become aware that he or she hates their parents, e.g.) it's only a mild exaggeration to say that all of psychoanalysis is an attempt to lessen
the damage unrecognized ambivalences cause in persons' lives.
"To those who have much, more shall be given. From those who have little,
what little they have shall be taken away."
unknown
 Learning to cope w/ambivalence is one of the greatest challenges in a child's emotional
development. Even adults have trouble w/the common yet uncomfortable experience of having two contrasting
feelings at the same time.
For kids it can be something like:
- The first day of school brings both pride & fear
- The arrival of a new brother or sister can trigger both joy & sadness
"Ambivalence is discomforting even to adults, who have the ability to understand & tolerate opposing feelings.
For children, ambivalent feelings are far more uncomfortable & confusing, because children's intellectual & emotional resources for tolerating them are more limited & less developed.
As parents, you may be able to draw from your own grow-up difficulties to imagining just how hard it is for
your inexperienced child to accept & resolve ambivalent feelings."
BY BARBARA S. CAIN, M.S.W.
author of the children's
book:
Double-Dip Feelings: Stories to Help Children Understand Emotions(second edition)
Madison: If "ambivalent" & "commitment phobe" are the same thing then I know all too well the story. I only
thought that all this "commitment phobia" was crap until I become involved in it with my boyfriend.
The beginning is bliss. I thought I found my soulmate.
He brought me flowers, called
many times a day, took me out for "special" dinners to celebrate a minor success of mine. We shared so many common interests
& loves & developed a few of our own.
My previous relationship
before him was somewhat psychologically abusive so I had shyed away from men until he walked into my
life.
He was so open, thoughtful & fun. Just being with him was fun.
He, too, said & did
go into therapy but stopped when things became hard. Why do they do that? Nothing changed, in fact, it became worse.
I waited, tried to talk,
tried everything I could think of. He didn't want me to go, but didn't really fit me into his life either. He was vague on his whereabouts & who he
was with. He went out with other girls although he said they were just friends. But how many guys go walking & up to girls
apartment's who are only friends?
I
am emotionally exhausted, spiritually spent & physically tired.
The question
that it has left me with is why did I stay for years with a man who made me feel like that?
Why would he want to make
me feel like that? The funny thing ... the really funny thing is that any man in the world could sweep me off my feet w/the
most mundane things since I haven't felt special or loved in the longest of times.
He doesn't realize it yet,
but I have left. He's stuck with this but I don't have to be. He's inability to deal with this only left me with the lingering
impression of his lack of respect for me & a marginal, at best, love for me. What a great legacy.
Angeline:
I've
just been completely devastated & humiliated at the end of a 4 year relationship with an "ambivalent" man.
I went
thru some of the worst relationship experiences imaginable. I'd write about it, but it would take entirely too long (the relationship lasted 4 years!) & besides, no one would believe the story anyway.
That said,
let me tell you that after this person completely RUINED my life, I realized that it had
nothing to do with him (well, ok, very little).
- He did lie
- Mislead me
- He did dump me COMPLETELY out of the blue
- He allowed me to sell my house, thinking I was moving to his country to live with him
- I had my dog put
to sleep, in large part because she wouldn't have adjusted well to the move (she was
animal aggressive & had health problems).
- He insisted I get my ticket for the move
- On a recent visit, had me bring clothing, etc.
- He had even cleaned out half the closet for me!
Then, exactly 1 month
to the day before he was supposed to come & help me move out & fly back to France with me, he sends me an e-mail telling
me that it's too much to ask of me to leave my country & family, etc. because we both have experienced a lot of stress lately. (been there & done that w/my ex-husband)
I had broken up w/him FOR
GOOD, or so I thought, until he called me in July & asked me to come there & help him take care of his dying mother.
Which of course, I did.
This, my dear friends, is the thanks I
get.
Had I know this ahead of
time, believe me, I would've NEVER let him in my front door. There were plenty of red flags, but of course, my fantasy
mindset convinced me to ignore them. When push finally comes to shove, the ambivalent relationship will fall apart every
time.
Now, I get to pick
up the pieces & start over....this time without my dog, my house, my boyfriend & all the hopes & dreams I held off & on for 4 years. Yes, he'll come back, just save yourself some time, & tell him to take
his ambivalent self straight to hell. Otherwise, you'll be living in hell yourself.
wait a minute babbbbbbby!!!!
this makes me want to shout!!!!
a personal note:
I've just gotta say it!!!! If you've
read thru many of the personal notes that I've left for my visitors within the emotional feelings
network of sites, you've found that I was married to some real winners, sarcastically speaking, but the ambivalent man... (what a joke...) is by far, one of the
worst experiences I endured.
I've just gotta say it - that ambivalent man - can very well be a distinct signal - sign - giant poster - billboard - clue
that you may be dealing with either an abusive man or a clearly dysfunctional human being... clue being: "run as fast as you can away from him!!!"
It's just not worth the space in the network to describe
the experiences I've endured with ambivalence, but take my word for it - "love - hate relationship?" - get the hell outta Dodge!!
kathleen
Eva: This is my short version story...I met a guy 11 yrs ago..when i was 17,
he was 16...now im 29 (tomorrows my birthday)....what a on-off, rollercoaster, push/pull
relationship it was!
he couldn't commit to letting me go & he surely couldn't commit to keeping me....
let me just tell you, run
& get the book "men who can't love"...it talks about committment phobia & your jaw will drop..you'll think that the book was written about you....just two things i wanted to say...
these men do NOT change; therapy is the only solution & TWO,
its not you..you're not crazy
...these men as this site calls "ambivalent" have a REAL phobia...they leave cause they really do care about us....but flee because they feel so much anxiety.
..but one thing
for sure, they DO return; & return when there is NO CONTACT & feel that they have lost us.... my story...he finally
managed to screwed everything to the point where there is no turning back, i dont think....
he told me to
"leave him ago, to go away" became very mean & cruel & all i did was love him... i realized i do NOT want nor deserve a ONE SIDED LOVE & he can be miserable for the rest of his life...its been about a week i haven't talk to
..&
if im strong enough he'll never hear from me again..yes, 11 years of on & off...take it from me, if i married this punk,
my life would be HELL, he'd be pulling this crap w/me & making me miserable...
its for the best
i feel that it went this far.. there was this great board called "circles of hope" where i used to post until now the board is not free & members only are allowed..i learned soooo much there....
Maria:
Hi, I've read
all the comments on this page & it's been really hard for me. You see, I just found out that I'm this ambivalent person you're talking about.
I've been married twice
& since have had 2 major relationships go bad (one was the love of my life). I had no idea why. I really didn't & still don't. I just know that I went to the counsellor who helped
me after my 2nd divorce because I wanted to find out why I couldn't seem to build a relationship w/a man.
Yesterday was my 3rd visit
& she used this word. Today I've been researching it to see what it is that I do in a relationship. I've cried most
of the day because I had no idea that this was even going on between me & the man.
I was clueless. So what
I've been reading today is like being a "fly on the wall" & hearing someone talk about you & it hurts. I hope I can change my behavior so I can have a healthy relationship one day. Maybe the people you're associated w/don't have a clue either.
I know that I open up to a person & then feel smothered even though I really care about the person. My therapist told me yesterday (I asked her) that my behavior
was the reason that my last 2 important relationships didn't work out.
This makes me so sad. I
didn't mean to act that way - I didn't even know I was doing it. Maybe this will help someone.
Brian: I always thought guys were most likely to be ambivalent. They probably are. I find it intersting that I'm
attracted to an ambivalent female.
Of course we
had the type of relationship that "one can only dream about" After 2 years of roller coaster rides & highs & lows,
I've written off my "angel" - the one I thought was the love of my life.
But you know,
I think I'm realizing that the love of my life wouldn't really do the roller coaster thing with me.
I, of course,
am no saint & like everyone have issues that I'm aware of & committed to working thru. I was totally committed to her & the betterment of our relationship. But anytime things got really intense & seemed to be going well, she
slammed on the brakes & cited the classic male response "I need space."
Writing
off intense relationships is never easy, especially because we tend to really believe that what the person is saying & doing will somehow last & allow both parties to remain in eternal bliss. I guess
living in the moment gives her the right to be truly madly deeply one moment, then have a complete (& not fully explained) change of heart.
My advice,
work on yourself & the right person appears.
Reminds me of
a saying "My how you've changed, since I've changed. She isn't allowed back into my heart. Too bad if it was really meant to be, because free will can always supercede destiny.
Gemma: I'm writing
on behalf of the other side of the story. Yes, i know what you're going thru, I put guys thru your pain all the time. I can't
help it. I really like them but then when it feels like its actually going somewhere, I think woah! stop, this can't go further, it's not what I want at this time of my life.
I go thru the "what if i
don't find someone else' what is we were meant to be? What if I've made the wrong decision? What if he finds someone else....
what if????? I feel guilt that I may be hurting the person. I want to walk away but I can't. It isn't pleasent for either side of the fence, so please, don't feel like 'he
has got his way' or 'this is what he wants' because the truth is he probably loves you & if feeling really torn, not knowing what to do... follow his heart.... or his plans....
Stacy:
I'm in shock as to how many people are going thru something similiar that I am...
I guess we always
think we're alone. I've been in a relationship for over 3 years. The first 2 years were the best of my life. I found the love of my life. My boyfriend changed my whole way a thinking about relationships. I found the most loving, trusting, caring, emotional individual of my life. One I never thought existed.
How we spoke about our
future & what it would be. How he's never loved like this, I'm his best friend, we'll have the world together, he'll never hurt me, he would die for me, he could never lose me & I can go on forever. We never fought, just enjoyed each other.
No one in his family
has ever seen him happier. And now the time comes, the time he has said we would marry, buy a house & do all the things two people in love spoke about doing & guess what.
He has no idea
where all those feelings went. he felt them when he said them. HE wanted all these things so bad. Now he doesn't know if he wants them, if he's
ready, if its me. He loves me & can't let me go but he's not sure what in love means. And what if he makes a mistake, how will he know if its right.
He'd rather curse
me & hurt me so I turn away & never come back rather than deal with this. He can't think. His only answer is I don't know. He spins my head in circles & I really have no clue what to do. He said he would go
see a therapist to figure things out.
He's seen alot
of things in his life that he doesn't want to experience & maybe it's fear. He just doesn't know. He goes blank when he thinks about it. I need help. Not sure if I should go thru this with him or just go away. I'll hurt but I've been hurting from his words anyway.
Then I think he'll come back when I'm finally going on with all the answers & I'll be even more confused. Should I stick around??? Will he always be this indecisive? Is it easier just to go away? I have no answers! but my
heart goes out to all those who are hurting with this same problem...
Jessica: I was married to such a partner for 10 years. (personal note again folks!!!
see this woman's choice of words, "was married!!!") I was totally committed & able to take the good with the bad. Until, during one of his ambivalent events, he
"went shopping for someone else" as a reason to end the marriage.
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