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| can you tell which one of these co-workers.... |
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| is the victim of spousal abuse at home eash night? |
be sure to visit abuse continued by clicking here - page 2 & page 3 !!!
there's still lots more info found on these pages!
I was personally very touched by this inspiring story as I watched it on
television last night (2/27/07); especially after I experienced a life altering injury which took me 2 years to recover from.
What I want to ask you is...
If you can't help out with the helmets, below for our military men, can
you volunteer or help our returning soldiers who are recovering with extreme traumatic brain injury?
Here are some links!
Check them out, I know that my family will be searching for a way we can help!
Remember that those experiencing traumatic physical injuries will most likely experience problems with their mental health.
What is Operation Helmet?
Founded in 2003 by Dr. Robert H. Meaders whose grandson is an active duty Marine in Iraq, Operation Helmet is a nonpartisan 501(c)(3) organization dedicated
to providing safer helmet pad upgrade kits to the troops in Iraq & Afghanistan.
To date, more than 6,000 kits have been shipped to the troops in the field.
 
How this site works best for you!
You'll
notice that there are many underlined link
words in each article below. The reason for this is that you have reached not only, "emotional
feelings, the home site," but the emotional feelings network of sites. There are
many sites included within the network that'll be visited by clicking on these underlined
link words.
If you can't find what you came
here looking for, visit the homepage for the emotional feelings network of sites by clicking above & read the options on
the homepage for the networks index of sites. Try to be specific when looking for an emotion or feeling word & click on the site you need!
It's very simple & very
interesting to follow your way thru the layers of your buried or stuffed emotions & feelings that have accumulated throughout the years!
when you've reached this point, or this website, you know you're making
progress!!!! this part gets difficult because now is the time to look within & become emotionally honest with yourself!!!
Best of luck & if you're
still stuck, send me an e-mail anytime, by clicking here & I'll be glad to send you an immediate personal response!
Sincerely,
Kathleen
  What I've learned about abuse....
kathleen howe
It's still difficult for
me to broach the subject of abuse when I'm thinking about my own relationship with that
five letter word. I believe the word abuse, just being said aloud, is a "verbal trigger" for my PTSD or depression to rear it's ugly head from off of it's resting place to simply - cock
it's head from left to right - listening intently, for an opportunity to deliver hate and misfortune - at a forty-five
degree angle, it's catlike eyes look first to the right an then to the left before it slowly allows it's lids to relax, close
as its head willfully falls slowly to it's pillowcase to be at rest again.
Yes, I consider the topic
of abuse, in comparison, as deadly as one of Satan's messengers, long dirty fingers with
long fingernails always getting into some kind of trouble at anytime. Besides my belief that abuse is dangerous; it's a fact
that abuse is very dangerous to ones' physical or body image. It jogs the memory - bringing back a flood of horrible pictures
in the mind, sounds, tastes and - the actual TRAUMA - gets replayed one more time in the brain - and always in slow motion.
Suddenly you're in it again - just like a repetitive nightmare.
The trigger, explosive in nature, seems so acutely distressing
when one is still living in the immediate remaining destruction of a trauma. I dare not think of how many other triggers are
involved with other traumas as one averages more than one disturbing trauma into the present moment. There is no
way to stop all of the traumas to come to the present moment to deal with them right or wrong, I
Part of my recovery journey has been to learn about abuse. I studied hard
and as I studied information about all kinds of abuse. I ran a forum or "group" about abusive relationships, about domestic
violence, instances of child abuse long ago and even religions abuse. Every type of evil seems to thrive on the word. It's
as if the forked tongue loves to lick the surface of the letters itself. Slowly gliding across each alphabet letter, it leaves
a pathway of peeling paint that probably contains lead. Must have been "made in China."
It's not difficult for others who have experienced some type of abuse
to imagine exactly what I'm describing, but what's daunting to the outer borders of our imaginations is the numbers of millions
of people who are dealing with this very thing - this very moment. My heart continues to bleed, aching and throbbing, for
those men and women returning from military battle or work overseas. Imagine coming home to feel even more distant than ever
from your loved ones and your "family home surroundings."
What would one do? How can the service man relate to his or her spouse
after experiencing such severe traumatic experiences that his mental health is at present, "at bay, releasing a storm of actions
based in hyper-vigilance? How do you explain to a son or daughter who has waited so long for a parent to return from
battle and then... it seems their loved one is simply a "stranger" upon their return? It's heartbreaking.
It's difficult enough for those in the medical communities throughout
our nation to serve the mentally ill who are hospitalized today, not even military individuals, as if they are human
beings, never mind - mentally ill human beings. Mentally ill people have special needs. It doesn' t seem to register
to the RN on the floor, or even the surgeon or doctor in charge that they're dealing with an individual who is experiencing panic
attacks almost every day. Although the patient fills out the paperwork required to receive services in a hospital stay;
more times than not the medical professionals involved don't feel the need to establish the patients' mental health capacity.
I'm not sure why we're overlooked. Because the mentally ill patient is
often overlooked, his or her hospital stay often turns into a case of health care abuse. It's very easy to avoid, but no one will
initiate the priorities to be followed.
Another factor
I realized is that most abuse isn't personal. What a statement to make! It's appalling! Can
you believe that I would have the nerve to write that out?
Abuse isn't personal... what does that mean? It means that when someone decides to abuse you, most often it's not you, by your individual name and
person that the abuser wants to abuse. The abuser has a need to cope with something - inflicting abuse on someone calms
the abuser - like a self abuser, or "cutter" feels after inflicting self injury. A cutter gets relief from anxiety or
stress by feeling the actual cutting of flesh. It's a "real" feeling that the self injurer can control and no one can
take from them. The self abuser needs that same feeling calmed within ones self.
So the pedophile doesn't need Suzie P. Golden that lives at
434 Smart St in Tupelo, Texas to expose himself to. He needs a "child." He looks for a child. He looks for traits and characteristics
that please him. He doesn't need Stewart H. Palmer, age 10, from Nashua, New Hampshire to perform his ritualistic abuse
on - he just needs a 10 year old boy. So as I've just shown you the example - the abuser doesn't need a personal
connection with an individual to abuse. It's not that personal.
The reasoning
behind parents abusing their own children? It's through convenience! A parent who abuses a child of their own has complete
control and power over them. So when an abused child grows up, then decides to look back at his or her past.... It's often
an ugly past that they must open their eyes to. The denial has to be peeled back off the hurt, layer by layer by layer until
those very raw, sore, aching unresolved emotions and feelings are reached. You know you were abused, but why? Why would your
own parent do that to you?
If you would take a walk down Memory Lane at your parents'
backgrounds you will most likely find the skeletons in their closets labeled "upbringing" stink of abusive relationships. It's true. Alcoholism, drug use, smoking, sexual abuse, and other types of abuse,
acting out, coping negatively. You can never get away from it. It follows you. Believe me, I know it.
And finally,
while not totally, there's this bond between people who have experienced abuse. It's unspoken,
but it's there. It's a strong understanding of what is felt when one is humiliated, intimidated,
hurt and involved in abusive situational relationships with loved ones. It's sad, very sad.
The saddest part of the whole thing is that those who are in positions to help those who have been or are being
abused - don't have the training or the tools to truly help the
abused victim. It's their job to educate, illustrate and administer enough help that the
victim turns over that role in life into a survivor role, a victorious role over the enemy, they've won!
When I struggled in the domestic violence centers for over
two years, it was never considered that there might be a mental health problem. It was never considered that all the time
we were there with nothing to do could have been spent in "training" of "life skills" so the abused
spouse can support her family instead of returning home to her abuser.
Where are the assessment takers? Where are the social service
workers that might administer a health card for a mental health evaluation that has been made mandatory within three
days of entering a domestic violence shelter. Where are the counselors for the kids? Where are the health assessments
for physical well being? Where are the life skills administrators? Where are the financial experts? Where is the community
who owns so much time that they might use in hands on training concerning housekeeping, cooking and health care tips
as well as the parenting principles?
I'm asking everyone to begin to think at what abused people need. Ask them what they need. Figure out a way to meet that need. Figure it out, you can do it.
Abuse touches everyone. Think about it.
emotional abuse
The presence of emotional abuse
is the largest risk factor & greatest predictor of physical violence, especially where a woman is called names to put
her down or make her feel bad.
Emotionally abusive partners
also commit murder or murder/suicide. Women are at most risk of being killed when they leave their partners.
Women themselves can also be suicidal as a result of emotional abuse.
domestic violence
If the below characteristics begin to seem very close to home... click here to read more about questioning the possibility that you may be an abusive person!
abuse - the abuser
the abusive person - "the abuser"
Characteristics
All socio-economic, educational,
racial & age groups
trying to figure out if you're
an abusive person? click here to travel to another site in our network, then get ready for some self examination!
emotional abuse
More women experience emotional abuse than physical violence. 35% of all women who are or
have been in married or common-law relationships have experienced emotional abuse.
In comparison, 29% of women have been
physically assaulted by their male partners.
domestic violence
common feelings & emotions of the abuser
dependent, anger, rage, aggressive, fear of abandonment, fearful, jealous, arrogant, cocky, disappointed with self, insatiable, abusive, insecure, disrespectful, opinionated
Beliefs
- Smashing things isn't abusive, it's venting!
- Sometimes there's no alternative to violence!
- Women are just as violent as men!
- Women want to be dominated by men!
- Somebody has to be in charge!
- Men can't change if women won't!
emotional abuse
Emotional abuse, just like any other form of abuse, is about power.
Women may exhibit some of the behaviors labeled as abuse, but it's critical to assess whether her actions give her power & make her partner fearful of her.
Research has shown that being female is the single largest risk
factor for being a victim of abuse in heterosexual relationships, something that is clearly reflective of women's lower status in our society.
domestic violence
28 Signs of Abusers
Batterers, Acquaintance & Marital Rapists & Emotional Abusers
Below
are a list of behaviors that are seen in people who're abusive. The last 5 signs listed are almost always seen only
if the person is a batterer, if the person has several of the other behaviors (say 3 or more), there's a strong potential for physical violence.
The
more signs the person has, the more likely the person is a batterer. In some cases, a batterer may have only a couple of behaviors that the woman can recognize, but they're very exaggerated (e.g. extreme jealousy over ridiculous things).
Initially,
the batterer will try to explain his/her behavior as signs of love & concern & a woman may be flattered at first. As time goes on, the behaviors become more severe & serve
to dominate the woman. These signs may also be present in women's lesbian relationships.
- Unemployed or Under-employment
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